I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
