not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
