Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
