its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
