How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
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