planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
