why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
