And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
