i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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