Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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