i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
