I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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