You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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