The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
