Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
