Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
