I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
