is your mom at the bar?
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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