I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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