you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
