Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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