Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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