He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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