There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
this just has baby written all over it
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
