I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
