you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Randomize
