yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
