im having a threesome with these popsicles
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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