I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
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