he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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