Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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