I'm gonna have a badass scar
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
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