Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
She's the barista slut.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
