It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
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