They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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