I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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