Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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