I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
