I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Randomize
