I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
another moral hangover. fuck.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
