hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
