i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
