it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Randomize
