i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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