it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Randomize
