Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
