every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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