the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
