I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
