I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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