God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
