You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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