So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Randomize
